Self re-parenting requires discipline, patience, persistence and compassion. The concept is based on giving your inner child what they needed and did not receive when they were young. As the parent to our inner child, our job is to meet their needs and build a lasting trust relationship. This is a new area to expand and explore, in terms of taking on the role of a parent, and at the beginning it may feel strange, perhaps forced and a little uncomfortable, however moving into the space of being a parent to oneself is part of the process to fully allow communication, dialogue, information and wisdom to come through. Building a trust relationship requires a commitment to provide for and remain open to connect with our inner child in any given moment, and respond accordingly.
Checking in with your inner child and your parent self throughout the day is a life practice to cultivate; growing and learning together at every step. This is the mechanism through which to raise self awareness and consciously adapt inner-talk, behaviours, habits, conditioning, which leads us on the path towards wholeness. Part of the bridge in integration work, is creating a join up between emotional, energetic releases and providing support through words, action and non action that completes the cycle of the healing process with Inner Child work.
This article intends to outline and offer some considerations for where to get started and what to build on for implementing self-parenting techniques into the inner child process.
Notice the language you use with yourself
- how do you talk to yourself throughout the day?
- observe the inner critic, practice Mindfulness based letting go of negative or critical thoughts and consciously bring into awareness kinder, supportive, loving words
Listen to or create your own positive affirmations
- this can be in a meditative space during your daily practice, last thing at night before you sleep, or when you first wake in the morning
- examples using “I am”… “I am bringing happiness into my life” “I am deserving” “I am worthy”
- further supportive of building positive inner-talk, kinder, compassionate words with oneself is the utilisation of language in moments of imbalance, such as bringing ease to inner critic ‘takeovers’, i.e in situations where the inner critic dominates the headspace.
- Practice of bringing in positive affirmations bolsters a reserve of kind, compassionate words held in our memory and cells ready for instances of need
Witness and validate the child’s emotions
- as a parent we hold space for our child; avoiding getting tangled and identifying directly with the emotions our child is expressing and allow our child to release energy at its own accord
- for example, when our child cries, we as the adult and parent don’t cry, we support, listen and comfort the child. Tears may flow but there is not an identification sweeping over that detracts from the release; we witness the tears as a purifying release
- it is especially important to check in with our inner child after such releases
Leave adequate time and space after an energy release from your inner child to go back, check in and talk to them to make sure they are ok
- providing a buffer after a release of any kind allows for an objective, honest communication with your inner child. As the parent, once returned to a place of calm, attentiveness, openness to listen and receive we can ask our inner child how they are feeling
- during the check in you can reassure your inner child that you are in the process of changing old coping mechanisms together and that old beliefs and patterns that no longer serve you are not needed, or relevant anymore
- your child needs to feel safe and start to understand that new ways of thinking are possible, they no longer need to defend or invoke survival mechanisms
- explaining to your inner child that emotional, energetic releases are normal, OK and part of the healing process; with full allowance, free from judgement
Bring in joy!
- spend time doing fun things together you both enjoy
- ask your child what they would like to do and make time to do it
- it’s a way to show your inner child the dedication to building a relationship together, cultivating an intention of harmony within, inclusive of the ups and downs that inevitably will arise and be worked through on the journey
Self care: Do one thing each day that is completely yours, for yourself
- this can begin small and take less than 10 minutes so it has a chance of becoming part of your daily routine
- for example, preparing breakfast the way you want that is healthy, nourishing and made with love, meditating observing the breath for 2 minutes, sitting outside with a cup of tea, taking a walk…
- in moments where an energy, mental, or emotional imbalance occurs, asking oneself “what can I give myself right now?” and responding by honouring the message that comes through from within; taking action, or non action, whatever the need may be
- practicing self care regularly feeds into abundance and allows for recharge and renewed strength to maintain a relationship with yourself. It is a necessary part of a healthy holistic approach to self healing, in particular with inner child work
As my relationship with my inner child evolves, so too do my self re-parenting techniques. An initial awareness of these considerations has helped me along my journey, and continues to do so; like a parallel compliment that weaves in and out of our story.
It is also a great indicator of beliefs and habit patterns that may arise too; resistances presenting themselves as challenges and blockages to the healing process, shining light on areas of deeper work too. Our inner child is our light, our guide, a portal to inner wisdom and re-parenting provides support, as well as areas for growth, enabling a broader perspective on a developing self empowering toolkit to accompany this beautiful practice.